The day care debate - are we kidding ourselves?

Last week I visited my 10th day care centre. In all, I have my name down at seven long day care centres plus the family day care program run by my local council.

I started checking out centres when I was four months pregnant. I had heard horror stories about waiting lists and so I was determined to get in early. While one centre upset me – “No way in hell” my husband mouthed behind the centre manager’s back almost as soon as we arrived – on the whole I was fairly pragmatic about the experience.

Now, it is a different story. I can actually picture my little boy amongst the wild mix of shrieking toddlers and babies.

When I visited the centre last week, I fought back tears. The woman who answered the door had a two month old baby in her arms. She was feeding him with a bottle in one hand as she opened the door with the other. The centre manager was busy when I arrived so I waited in the nursery for under twos where Billy would go. I could see at least two babies standing up in their cots in the sleep area. I could see crawlers in the area that was supposed to be for non mobile babies. A little toddler was walking around with one shoe on. The carer feeding the newborn confided she had only felt ready to put her own daughter into day care when she was one and even then put her in only one day a week.

When the manager took me into a separate room to discuss the application process, there were just two carers left to look after 15 children aged from newborns to two years.

Robyn Barker says in Baby Love – every first mum’s bible of all things baby – keep them out of day care as long as you can while they are under two. Steve Biddulph says in his book Raising Boys – day care is bad for boys under three.

I am well versed in the counter argument. It’s the quality of day care not day care itself that determines positive outcomes for children. Some research shows good quality day care is just as good for children as home care. I know these arguments. Once Billy is two, I believe that day care can have lots of benefits. But I just cannot believe the care these centres can offer is as good as in the home for under twos.

I never thought I would feel this way. I want to return to work. Financially, it would be near impossible for me to be a stay at home mum. Already we have accepted that buying a house in Sydney is, for us, a pipe dream. More than that, I like working. If I stopped, I know I’d feel like something was missing from my life. I didn’t put myself through all those years of education for nothing.

So what to do? The reality is, I will choose one of these centres, try and work part time and minimize my hours. But are we kidding ourselves that this is what is best for our kids?